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This article first appeared on Your Tango and has been republished with permission.
People suck sometimes, and you feel this way especially when you go through a breakup — but in all honesty, the best thing to do is try and move on after a breakup. One of the hardest things to do; however, is to actually move on.
Your ex can consume your every thought and make you constantly check his social media. Obsessing over an ex can become all consuming. Instead of going out with friends and flirting with new guys, you stay home and wonder about where he is and what he is doing — it isn't healthy.
There are the most obvious ways of getting over an ex, like drowning your sorrows in Ben and Jerry's Half-Baked ice cream or belting out any Adele song on a long drive. But, those things won't help you to stop obsessing over an ex long-term. Honestly, they might even make you think about him more.
Take the time you need to be sad and cry. If after all the extra calories gained and all the tears lost you are still thinking about the boy who broke your heart, it is time for an intervention.
Getting over an ex you're still constantly thinking about isn't easy. It can cause both emotional and physical pain. But, at the end of the day you need to put yourself first and him aside.
Think about it this way: if he is living his best life and doing whatever he wants, you should too. You and your ex ended things for a reason, so try and keep that in mind.
Here are five helpful tips to get you to stop obsessing over that stupid boy and learn how to get over an ex you still love and miss.
1. Remind yourself of what really went wrong (and why it was unfixable).
When the sappy, romantic thoughts pop into your head, immediately remind yourself of all the times your ex made you cry or hurt your feelings. Remind yourself that you are beautiful, smart, and confident and don't need a boy who once made you cry in your life.
You broke up for a reason. Regardless of who ended it, there was heartbreak and sadness on both ends. You need to remind yourself of all the red flags that popped up throughout your relationship. You didn't deserve to shed all those tears then and you definitely don't deserve to shed them now, either.
2. Lean on your friends for support.
Your friends will always be there for you. No matter what, they will be there for a shoulder to cry on. Your best friends know everything and probably understand you more than you understand yourself. They are the ones who can break you out of your ex-obsessive spell.
If you haven't already told your friends that you are still obsessing over your ex or in love with your ex, they will figure it out. Let them in and explain to them how you're feeling.
One of the greatest ways to get your mind off your of ex is to go out with your friends. Make a date night out of it and go to all the places that make you happy. Dance, sing your heart out, drink some (or lots of) wine, and laugh until you can't breathe. Those are the nights that will slowly start to get our head out of the ex-filled clouds.
Even if you don't feel like going out, never sit and wallow alone. Invite your friends over and watch a movie in bed. Be annoying and constantly text and call your friends when he pops into your mind.
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3. Try something new that's out of your comfort zone.
Your ex will remind you of your old habits. The best ways to break old habits is to find new ones. Maybe there is a gym class you have always wanted to try or a cooking class that seems entertaining. Even if you become an adrenaline junky and want to bungee jump your frustrations out of a plane, find something that makes you feel alive and motivated again.
A break up is a chance to rediscover yourself. Think of this as an opportunity to start fresh and do the things you have always been too timid to do. You are now free to do things on your own terms without being tied down to someone else.
4. Start to think about a good, old-fashioned rebound relationship.
Don't rush into a new relationship right after your break up, but a rebound relationship can be a good way to gain some much needed dating confidence back. This is a pro tip to use when you've been broken up for a while, not something to consider a day after you've gotten your heart broken. A rebound relationship also doesn't have to mean hooking up with someone, but just simply re-downloading Tinder or going to a bar and letting a man buy you a drink isn't so bad.
You are in control of your own confidence and happiness — no man can provide that for you. But, it never hurts to feel wanted by someone other than your ex. As long as you feel good and don't feel like you're moving on too fast, talking to someone new might help break the obsessive ex cycle.
5. Let yourself grieve your relationship, too.
It isn't logical to say you'll never think about your ex again. No matter if it is a week down the line or a year, your ex is bound to pop up every now and then — especially if you were in love.
It is okay to remember that chapter of your life and all the good times. But, it is also important to grieve those times and remember that they came to an end for a reason. You are now living a life that you couldn't before and the past should remain in the past. Focus this time of you and allow yourself to feel and grieve when needed. At the end of the day, he is just a boy who didn't see the potential and amazing qualities you possess.
His loss.
